Are you sure it’s not twins?

Some things are inevitable when you’re pregnant.

But it’s not just the obvious things – it’s the morning sickness that doesn’t stick to its designated morning slot, the inexplicable weeping at anything vaguely heartwarming (Christmas adverts it appears are amongst the worst culprits), and the way that suddenly a growing bump becomes public property; open for anyone to touch, coo and comment over at any opportunity.

It’s enough to make you think nobody has ever seen a pregnant woman before, and the exchanges become increasingly predictable from about 26 weeks onwards:

“So, when are you due?”
“Not for a few months yet!”
“Really? You’re huge!”
“Are you sure they’ve got the dates right?”
“Yeah, pretty sure…”
“And there’s definitely just the one in there?”
“Yes, definitely just one…”

Seriously, when has it ever been acceptable to tell a woman they’re huge?

And don’t get me started on the people who say “wow, you’ve grown!” – er, I am growing a baby you know, that’s kind of what’s meant to happen?

Whilst I’ve come to the conclusion that most people just don’t know how to speak to someone who’s pregnant, my sympathies start to crack when it comes to those who’ve clearly been through it themselves – the latest being a lady pushing a newborn baby around Asda exclaiming to me “blimey, I thought I was big when I was pregnant!”.

Er, thanks for that love.

You would think by the time you reached the ‘one week to go’ milestone people would ease up on the “really? You look ready to burst” retorts, but it seems only now that I’m overdue do you start to get a bit of actual sympathy.

Of course, now I just have to learn to cope with the new, inevitable, conversations:

“Yikes, I’m impressed you’re out and about!”
What, I’m supposed to shut myself away in the house until baby decides to rock up?

“Well don’t go into labour here!”
Like if it was in my control I’d choose to drop in the middle of a supermarket! Though then again there’s all those rumours of free groceries for life…

“Should I call an ambulance?”
If I needed one I sure as hell wouldn’t be stood here counting out loose change. And you do know that childbirth is nothing like they show it in the movies, right?!

And the classic, usually delivered by text, or occasionally posted on Facebook walls…

“Any sign of baby yet?”
Yeah, I had her last week but just didn’t bother to tell anyone…

Yep, some things in pregnancy are inevitable. And at this stage, now officially ‘overdue’, the one inevitable thing I’m holding on to is that this baby will be coming out, sometime soon, one way or another.

And no amount of wondering, worrying or text messages will have any impact on when that is!